Ilkley Rocks

Ate at Ilkley Moor Vaults on SUnday. After one local contact said they had ‘the best chips in Wharfedale’. Praise indeed. No chips are being served on Sundays though.

Haven’t been since the re-fit. The old urine-stinking bar seems to have been replaced by a lovely stone real ale parlour, and the upstairs Mr Q’s by a London gastro pub. Great service, very helpful, excellently kept beer, and (according to she who knows such things) lamb to kill for. I had a sort of mess of puy lentils, courgettes and goats’ cheese which possibly wasn’t to everyone’s taste, but made a very nice alternative to rissotto. Dealt with food queries very well.

Only downside was a lengthy wait for the mains. Which, given they only had ten or so people in, was a little surprising. However, we will be re-visiting very soon. REcommended, seriously hope the new owners make a go of it.

Is it true that Monkfish and Arcade Fruits get the majority of their fish from the same source? QUite a difference in prices I note.

Much to the suprise of the gentleman over at Ilkley-More, yes, Chris Monkman’s new wet fish establishment/bistro is indeed called Monkfish. Monkman’s reputation, both as ebullient (sometimes oleaginous) host and creator of above-average eateries such as T’Fleece in Dingham gave us all high hopes for the new establishment.

First, the conversion of the old lighting shop on Cunliffe Road seems to have included recovered lights, and a rather odd green colour on the wall. The downstairs (always bad for the head) has become the kitchen and the wet fish shop also contains a bar area where six or so people ate on the Sunday we were there. Ilkley has needed a proper supplier of fish for a long time, though Arcade fruits have done a valiant job (and I feel a little sorry for them if this impacts on their business), and Monkfish is definitely at the high end of the market.

Having both a shop and a bistro does, however, mean that the front door is open most of the time. I was sitting in a permanent draft. Which was slightly unpleasant. There’s about 24-28 covers in the bistro area, which is fairly-very crowded (intimate might be the word their marketing will use), with a bar at the back end. Menus are on the blackboards. Its Sunday and is booked out which shows a) Ilkley is waiting for somewhere nice to eat on Sundays, b) its small and c) Monkman is known to everyone. Indeed, his blown kisses and hellos to everyone walking in begin to grate after a while, but that’s my misanthropy speaking.

We have initial confusion. There’s no moules on the menus, but one couple is eating them. Hmm. Apparently they ordered in advance (we weren’t offered the option when booking, but maybe we shold have demanded). There’s also no bread on the menu, but bread is brought out to two tables. And, no, it doesn’t come with the soup. Hmm, probably made in the now-deceased brick oven as well. Damn. That’s the second way in which we (me and t’angel) feel like second class citizens in this eaterie (not a usual feeling for us, I have to say).

So, nice range of dishes—four-five starters, the same of mains, plus three or four salads. And, yes, all fish. I order the Fsh Soup, angel the haddock (IIRC). Hers is delicate and light, rather lovely. Mine, well, Provencal Fish Soup it ain’t. The fish pieces one would expect to see have been reduced to a very thin mince. Rustic it’s not. And it’s lukewarm, barely even that. One-all I guess, but most deli’s do a better version of the provencal.

For mains, I plump for the reasonably priced (£10) fsh and chps, angel for the herring salad. My fish (haddock) is cooked in light batter, not greasy, the peas are interestingly mushed. But the chips have obviously been cooked too quickly at too high a temperature. They’re uncooked in the middle, and brown-black on the outside. Obviously trying for the rustic feel, and not succeeding once more. And there are roughly ten of the things. Very measly portion.

With angel’s dish we come to the real problem. She’s made clear that she’s allergic to dairy. The (very helpful and efficient) waitress has helped her choose the right dish and no hollandaise appeared on the starter. Half-way through the main she finds one, then two, then another slice of cheese. Hmm. Calling the waitress over, the dish is taken away. On her return, we’re told that though there was no cheese in the dish ‘officially’, the chef hadn’t cleaned out the mixing bowl properly. Hmm times two. Waitress deals properly with the event ‘I can’t apologise enough…it’s no consolation, but I wanted to explain why it happened.’ And, of course, we’re not charged.

Service overall from the two waitresses working was very good, at least by Ilkley standards. They seem to have gone a cut above the usual sixth formers and to have people who have more than a modicum of training. It was noticeable, however, that having approached our table three times during the first two courses, Mr Monkman himself was noticeable by his absence once the incident had occurred. Too busy greeting his obviously wide circle of acquaintances (yeah, I know, bitterness, but I run a venue, and make sure my bistro manager or myself is out there as soon as we know of a customer problem.)

(£25 over all, would have been £32, though only water for drink)

So, positive–excellent to have in Ilkley, great starter, helpful and friendly staff, good value.
Negative–sloppy service from the kitchen (and potentially dangerous too), lukewarm soup, bad chips, drafts from the door.

So, teething problems presumably, but ones needing to be dealt with, and one that simply isn’t acceptable. With Monkman concentrating on this, it’ll also be interesting to see how The Fleece does.

More coverage if we return.

Thanks to Fraser for the alcoholic marmalade. Its midday-ish, and I had meant to do some work today. But instead I’ll lie in the sun with the cricket on and hazily doze till its time for another slice of bread.

Well, after everywhere shutting down together, loads of places are now opening up. Rumours of Pizza Express in the station, and a restaurant advertising for a chef de partie in the paper today, a new venture, specialising in East Asian cuisine.’ Surely not another curry house?

Nobu opening up north?

Well, the new Tubby’s is now open, and the boys are working hard on the new Mossop’s. A new bar at the latter, and ready to go for the 11th they reckon. Have to admit, I had no memory of the whopping stone fireplace in the redundant Steps, but maybe I was tooo busy complaining last time I was there.

Meanwhile the new Tubby’s features a menu which appears to be from a 70s theme bar. When was the last time coq au vin appeared on a menu? Still, given the average age of the Ilkley population, it may not be that silly a move.

With the ex-Tubby’s boys having bought the old Steps to set up Willy Mossop’s (they get the keys on Monday) and the new Tubby’s owners being in over the road, clearing up those rotting oranges (a nice leaving present from Robin) , the race is on to see who will open first.

And who will still be here in a year’s time. Good luck to both, Ilkley needs a strong restaurant quarter to enable the less scrupled estate agents (Mr Thornton, I’m trying to avoid looking at you) to add loads of money to the prices of local flats. Or, indeed, just to sell them.

to Treacle Moon. Thanks for the fish pie. Just too long a walk for us regularly…

Will there be anywhere left in Ilkley come April?

…to Tubby’s. The last night was very emotional, lots of hugs from Robin and the staff, lots of insults flying. And, contrary to my previous claims, it is already sold for the full asking price. Thanks for the many memories, and for being the first place/people to make us truly welcome in Ilkley.

…and also to Steps. I’ve never been a fan, but for the main man to lose his restaurant because a business ‘partner’ in another venture ran off with the cash, leaving both businesses broke, is, well, not very nice to say the least. The place has already been stripped, and is on the market for considerably less than the Tubster’s.

We know two young(ish) gentlemen who might hopefully be interested.

My home from home, Tubby Wadlow’s, is to close on xmas Eve. The owner, Luther (whose money comes from careful marriage), has decided to sell up. It’s been on the cards for much of this year, with Robin and Toby looking to buy him out (basically a matter of fixtures n fittings and goodwill as it’s them that have built the revenue). When the offered price came in at £130,000 (remember this doesn’t include the property itself), he was informed it was not going to be met.

So farewell to the best of Ilkley’s bistros, a venue for many happy after-hours drinking sessions, much cynical abuse from the bar staff, etc., etc.

It’ll be on the market next year sometime, so might be resurrected. Whether Luther’ll get the 130K is rather more doubtful in the current climate. But, then, as I say, he didn’t make his money himself, so his business knowledge is a bit limited.

Contrary to the rumours being spread, The Greek Restaurant is NOT closing down..

Hadn’t been to Farsyde for at least a year. Got a little bored with the ‘meat + fruit’ selection that Gavin seemed to be really into (previously on this blog I suggested it might be an Ilkley cuisine as Tubby’s started doing the same).

So, Saturday was a nice opportunity to pop back and see how things were shaping. A late booking, not helped by quite a long wait at the bar, so stomachs were rumbling by the time the four of us were seated in the window. Uhhr, were seated at a table in the window. Perusal of menus showed only a handful of meat + fruit combinations, which was very welcome. I completely neglected to get a menu, which is very unlike me, so can’t be precise about what everyone had. However, there was a fair bit of negotiation over pasta mains as starters, the presence of black pudding and how more of it was required, and what various weird dieters of the bunch couldn’t eat. All dealt with with great humour and vivacity by main woman Zoe.

The food was generally topping, though you’ll have to let it go at that as I can’t remember much of what people had, and the menu we had bears only a passing relationship to the one on the website. Pig cheeks and black pudding as a starter twisted the current chefs’ trendy ingredient into a northern ensemble. Ravioli as a main was tasty and soft, not at all dry, the apple and banana crumble did the thing right (ie no deconstruction). The breads were good too.

Service was okay, though suffering from the usual ‘seventeen year olds earning a buck’, and the white wine wasn’t chilled when first delivered. But dealt with efficiently and happily. No idea what the white was, but the Red was a Martinez Azul, so we knew what to expect–tannic and big and crimson red (and only about 100% mark-up on retail prices, which isn’t bad).

Three courses, two bottles of wine, a round of drinks at beginning and end, £150 for four or thereabouts. Damn good value thinks we. We’ll be back we agree. Comfortably better than The Box Tree, at about half the price.

After finding the general level of cheap-ish places to eat had gone way down hill, we’ve re-discovered Escape. Sure, the waitresses aren’t really interested in much but flirting with the waiting/bar-guys (except for the inestimable Kirsty who seems to be running the place), but the food has definitely taken a turn for the better.

Walked past Bar T’at last Saturday evening and there was hardly anyone eating downstairs. It used to be impossible to get in on an evening even midweek before their chef left for his own place in Otley (my brain is teling me the Curlew Cafe, but my brain is unreliable in these things), so that seems to be losing its reputation.

Which is good news for Escape if they’re really making a come-back. The plates are still cold though. Oh, and Escape now has one (count it) pump for proper beer. Wa-hey, as they say in North Korea.

I’ve suggested before that Bar T’at, previously a favourite, is going downhill. Today it was just awful. Ordered the spinach canelloni. Very obviously. It arrives, we think, ‘oh thy’ve chnaged it again, take a mouthful or two…’shit, that’s mince’. They try to pretend the chef had had a misunderstanding, but given the bar guy had clearly written down which cannelloni I wanted, it was more of a feck up.

The ‘real thing’ arrives. Fork goes in. Fork goes in again. Where’s the canneloni? They’ve given me some cheese and pasta sauce soup.

Still, at least the beer was nice. Offically off my places to go list (boy, is that getting small!).

Made it back to The Priests House over in Barden for Sunday lunch. New owners, so we thought we’d try it out. Now, the previous owners produced honest English food, somewhat amateurish service, but it passed muster.

The new owners, refugees from Pudsey, don’t even do that. Our lunch delivered to the wrong table, so they continue to make up their dishes, whilst mine sits under the pass lights (judging by its eventual floppy consistency), and finally my partner gets hers some ten minutes later. Not even a hint of an apology either. And then clearing up actually on the table–scraping food around. Like you were at your gran’s for lunch. Then the bill was wrong even on the third attempt. Classic comment, ‘sorry, Sunday only comes round once a week’. Like, yeah, but every week.

Hearing our spectacularly bad waitress talk of another employee, ‘well, she’d never done any waitressing before…’ Well, we had no luck with the experienced, so maybe the neophytes would be an improvement.

Over at T’Observer Jay Rayner has reviewed the Box Tree. Personally I think it’s a pretty fair review. Neither the food (which is as he says slightly old-fashioned) nor the service are up to the standards one would expect of a One Star.

It brought out a discussion about what can be expected in such restaurants. The minimum is good clinical service. What then goes on top is atmosphere and friendliness. Which is where t’Box falls down–according to rumour their French Maitre has already left for T’Grove unable to cope with Mrs Gueller, and I can see why. The service is so uptight, so desperate to please, that it falls down on the very level it is trying so hard to impress on.

Unfortunately, Gueller’s cooking seems not to have moved on in the years since having his own restaurants in Leeds. Where Anthony Flinn and Simon Rogan are experimenting, Gueller is re-treading old experiences. I’m proud Ilkley has a one star restaurant. I’m just not sure that it (or the Box Tree given the recent hike in prices) will last.

Well, we had a good xmas, made rather nicer by some lively fluffy white stuff (stop giggling there at the back…) which is pictured over here. But we also eat out a lot (as we like to do), and, boy do things need improving in Ilkers.

First up was the Cow and Calf. After a nice couple of hours tramping the moors through a snowstorm, boy were we in need of some major stomach filling. The Cow’s a lovely venue, beautiful fires, great view. The beer’s not great, but I can deal with that. But oh the food–fsh chps for me and a Roast for angel. The chips were MacD’s type, ultra thin, the fish was watery. Honestly, nothing tasted of anything (except the chips had that sour taste like the oil had been used too many times). The roast was lukewarm at best, and had obviously been lying about for too long. Foul. And the service was all you can expect from a bunch of sixteen year olds. Serious work needs to be done on this place, but, of course, the landlords don’t need to, cos it’s always going to be popular.

Bar T’at, however, might not be. Their old chef, having moved to Otley, the gorgeous food and very large portions seems to have gone with him. I don’;t know where the order’s come from, but the portion size has been reduced massively. I was still starving after my lunch, and I’m not the biggest of eaters.

Anyone know whay things are heading downhill? Sometimes I still think I can taste those Calf chips.

With the announcement of the Michelin stars today, I’m somewhat astounded to see The Box Tree getting one. It’s not that Simon Gueller doesn’t desrve it, he’s shown before that he’s a one star chef. But the food and especially the service are still only in their early stages. Simon’s patently struggling with his kitchen help to produce the kind of food he’s aiming at.

And, given that the place has only been open four months or so, it must be too early to say whether this really is a starred establishment. Can’t help feeling it’s a case of sentimentality on the inspectors’ parts, for the old Box Tree and for Simon himself.

So, we now have two starred establishments in easy reach–with the Devonshire Arms being the other. But, yet, nothing for Anthony’s in Leeds, probably the best new eaterie in the country.

And it’s all change at a couple of local eateries. The Priest’s House couple are moving thanks to the chef’s bad knees. The place and setting are lovely, but I never particularly enjoyed the food–so maybe this should be welcomed. New owners currently run DD2 in Pudsey–any info gratefully plagiarised!

And what is definitely welcomed is that Steps is meant to be getting a new chef. Unfortunately, while the food may not be very good, it’s the abysmal service that lets it down…

And, just because we’ve been writing about food, a word for The Yard. Good, well-presented, posh pub food. Fish and chips with proper chunky chips and mushy peas, oh and fishcakes that were a little dry.

Now, I’m a boy, so should be doing a league table of pub eating, but given that Bar T’at has gone downhill quite alarmingly recently, and I haven’t eaten at Johnon’s for ages..oh, and Escape isn’t really a pub, it’s not that easy to do…

Try The Yard..

We’ve been eating out a lot recently. And have now taken in the delights of three of the town’s five curry places in the last ten days or so. Definitely at the bottom of the bunch is India–the restaurant. Everything about the place feels wrong–the service is slack even with seemingly hundreds of people on parade, the food is bland, the decor is irritating in the extreme (the whole room colour changes made me feel fairly woozy), and their arrogance over their illegal illuminated sign is, well, par for the course.

Moving on up is the Balti Chef, which has got rid of its bunny boiler waiter who was very very keen on the laydeez, and spruced up its act. The food’s okay, nothing sepcial (and the standard menu descriptions always amuse me). No more shark, but trying to get back to being a good, local, curry house. I think it would be even better if they didn’t keep cramming me next to the toilets. Hey, water sports and curry…what a good mix.

Actually, the toilet thing happened in India as well–the smell of urinal cake permeating the entire place.

So we’re left with Jaipor Spice. The decor might be left over from the seventies, but the food is great (a little potato based on occasions), staff are helpful, the toilets are a long way away.

Two more to go before the spicy food overdose (follow up to ‘Supersize me’?) takes hold.

Well, Saturday night and the previous opinions of the Box Tree were proved to be well-founded. The food is somewhere between good and very good, but the service is struggling. Rena as maitresse is very good, there was a French bloke who seemed efficient but didn’t come near us after taking the food order, and a wine waiter who–well, see below. The complement was made up by two or three local girls, one of whom seemed to have trouble keeping her mouth closed, and had to have things explained to her at least three times every time.

Four of us arrived a bit early, and got put upstairs and, uhhr, left for about ten minutes. So, okay, we WERE early…Ordered food, pointed out we hadn’t seen the wine menu by the point we were being taken to the table. So, uhhr, okay…

Seated in a corner near the kitchen door. But two 4-tables were in a space better suited to a 4 and a 2. Which meant the waiters couldn’t really get to my chair and spent the night leaning across others to pick up my plate and so on.

Ordered wine, nice tannic Oz Shiraz and a house chablis. The latter arrived with wine waiter saying ‘we’ve sold a lot of these tonight, so it might not be cold’. It was actually warm, so it took fifteen minutes to chill it–no offer of an alternative, no attempt to get another bottle. Gritted teeth result.

Amuses were cucumber (?) jelly things with salmon froth. Very gentle, sharp tang, really rather nice.

Starters–Risotto of lobster for me, excellent, gloopy not soupy. Mosaic of farmhouse chicken, wild mushrooms and pancetta, pronounced over-complicated. Loked interesting, but not a patch on Rasay’s chessboard. Roast sea scallops—great hulking things, very good

Mains–I had Roast Wild Sea Bass, Aubergine caviar, anchovy beignet, confit tomoatoes. V. tasty slice of fish, the anchovy was the most interesting bit. This sort of thing is a dish that often annoys me because the pieces don’t fit together, but here it worked very well, the anchovy thing was strange but surprisingly good. Others had veal with sweet potato puree, adjudged fine, and the fillet of beef, with petit onions, lardons and ceps. The meat (this time they had asked how it was wanted) was excellent, but fatty–weird for a fillet, not something we’d encountered before.

Dessert (accompanied by some ports because we’d run out of wine–it was that sort of night)–panna cotta, pistachio biscotti, raspberry milkshake, an amazing dish, or rather three, mixing flavours, alternating fruity joy and alum tight-mouth, also Lemon Tart, which was very large and the cheeses which were too much for one.

Service throughout was, uhhr, interesting…dropped cutlery, much leaning over, many near accidents.

Simon came out a few times and was looking sort of hassled (understandable I guess) and a bit nervous. As the night went on, Rena was getting more and more irritated–also understandable. Especially when at least two parties started asking her about Anthony’s success (‘well, of course, Simon did all that, and now we want to be a bit more relaxed…’ Hmm, lady doth protest???)

But, anyway, a good night, the food was near to v. good, company excellent, lots of alcohol drunk. We waited and waited for the taxi, then just walked home. £300 sovs for four, including three bottles of wine, a couple of ports. On the expensive side for what it was.

Keep getting rumours about quality of food declining in Ilkley. Went to Tubby’s a week or so ago, and that is back to its best, the most relaxed but efficient staff, excellent food, good company, bistro cooking and experience as its meant to be. UNtil the Box Tree works its full offering out, Tubby’s is holding top spot.

Below it, though, there are some problems. The Cow and Calf has gone way down hill in food and service, there keep being bad reports back from Escape (cold food, etc), and even Bar T’at has hit the buffers. Have they been replaced? Haven’t eaten at The Yard yet strangely. Must try it, and the Greek place (though the sight of their chef in Martins was ot that appetising).

More reports to come…

What? What?

Look, its a new pun innit?

Went to the revamped Box Tree for the first time on Sunday. First impressions are very good. The place has been cleaned up completely, the old stench of rotting mould has been taken away and most of the mad old bird’s things have also gone (though I got the impression from some of the things being said that she was still interfering somewhat). There’s even nice new box hedges growing above the windows. The layout is basically the same, with a private dining room being opened upstairs.

Simon Gueller as chef has developed some of his old classics, and Rena, his wife, is doing a very good job as maitresse d’. THis was only the second Sunday they were open, and there must have been 25 or so covers in, which is pretty good. Sunday comes out at £25 per head for a three course, which is good value. Normal evenings is a bit more expensive, and features a greater range).

Okay, so starters—langoustine risotto, scallops, or pumpkin soup. We went for one of each, and all gorgeous they were. Mains–my guests had the roast beouf, I stuck to the wild salmon. THeir meat was good, juicy, lots of it, but they’d not been asked how they liked it, which is a black mark. We also had to hassle for horseradish, which was a bit irritating. The salmon was very nice, but there just wasn’t enough of it. Why oh why do chefs assume because one eats fish (or vegetarian options), one doesn’t want tot eat much. Nicked a Yorkshire pudding, and still needed a sarnie when I went home.

And, finally, the puddings–raspberry soufflee, gingerbread cannelloni (actually ice cream in a brandy snap) and very dark chocolate tart. The latter was a classic chocolate black hole, the former was adjudged excellent, tangy and sweet, the middle one wasn’t that gingerbready.

Overall, the food was good, but the service (always the let down in Ilkley restaurants aside from Tubby’s which is rather more relaxed anyway) needed work. They’re attempting silver service and this wasn’t quite there–no offer of a second round of glasses of wine, parties placed too close together, the no horseradish problem. Little things, but they take away from the experience. The braying woman behind didn’t help either…

Attempting something at a move above what the best in Ilkley are currently doing (Tubby’s and Farsyde), and I’m sure they’ll get there. I’m going to leave them unranked till I’ve had the evening experience.

SOrry if I’ve already used that pun…It looks like the Box Tree is now back open, website here . We’ll be trogging along sometime very soon, and will report back.

Got to be better than Steps anyway…(ducks and covers from the brickbats coming from the directon of Martinez)

See that the old Michael’s tea shop has been done up and is about to re-launch…as Caffe something or other–just what Ilkley needs, another light lunch place.

The bill of fare sounds exciting…

coffee’s teas light food.

Now, do you think the sign writer noticed and thought, “if I don’t say anything, someone will point it out and I’ll make more money coming back to paint the corrections…’

Or do you think none of them had three starred As at A Level?

…a lady on a mobile phone standing outside our newest restaurant.

“I’m outside The Grove”

“No, THE Grove”

“No, THE Grove.”

We moved on, but presumably, the next line was…

“Oh sod it, I’ll meet you outside Tubby’s”

I think ‘uhhr’ is becoming the most commonly used word on this site.

I did like Frazer’s note on the name of Ilkley’s newst bar. One can imagine the scene…

“Emergency. Which service?”

“Fire…and quick”

“Fire service…where are you?”

“We’re at The Grove on The Grove in Ilkley”

“You’re on The Grove? Whereabouts”

“At The Grove…”

“Yes sir, I got that, but where on The Grove?”

“The Grove…”

“Look, I need to know where you are.”

“But I’m telling you, The Grove”

“Sir, you’re really not helping yourself.”

[end conversation]

A little birdy tells me £400,000 has been spent on the refit, and there will be somewhere like seven chefs employed.

Now I’m studying finance, but working out the break-even on that one (or the level of necessary prices) is beyond my measly powers of concentration.

of the creativity of the people taking over ‘Greco’s. What have they decided to call their new ‘champagne and vodka’ bar? Well it’s on The Grove so, yes, ‘The Grove’ is it’s highly original name.

Bet they had to pay the branding agents lots for coming up with that.

But please open soon, there was a ‘Greco’s’ denizen in The Yard on Saturday night who made us physically recoil she was so unpleasant looking–they’re easy to spot, the crap Chanel sunglasses inside, the leathery vulture-like skin, the prada handbag displayed on the bar.

GO AWAY!

Note that the front page story in the Gazette refers to The Box Tree as a ‘michelin starred restaurant’. It, of course, isn’t…it deservedly lost its star last year.