Ilkley Rocks

See someone got mugged the other day by ‘tracksuit-wearing’ youth. That would cut it down to one of about four people. I pretty well guarantee that I could identify them should our beloved polis force wish to wander round town. Buying some whisky yesterday at Wine Rack, the lady serving was watching two scutter youths outside. wandered out and they managed eye contact for all of half a second. No backbone the potential thieves of today, don’t know what’s wrong with them…a few weeks in National Service would rid them of acne, give them muscles, and make sure they weren’t blown over by the first puff of wind.

And see, the same of it…we have an entry in chavtowns. Well done to Katherine for spotting THAT!

I’ve tried to be very severe with this blog. There’s been very little about me (okay, you now know I have pieces of metal through personal parts, but that’s about it), and I’ve tried to keep this about Ilkley. When I started back last year, I made the assumption that there were lots of blogs like this, that concentrated on a small area and worked it to death. Of course there are the porn and related blogs (and hasn’t belle de jour got boring? Self-satisfied little ‘madam/mister’ defining the Chapel Allerton Jewish Princess tag), but otherwise there seem to be very few single subject blogs (oh and excluding the Iraq and US politics ones *yawn*).

So, the aims of this blog were to avoid personal confession, avoid the ‘acrid smell of burnt poetry’ (ta Plum), and just write about a place. Looking around I’ve found three blogs that are anything like it. Course, there are loads of great blogs that are almost like it…Basingstoke Boy and so on. But really taking a small area and working it to death, so far we have..

The one about the local bus, which is from redmaiden.

Then there’s the very good one about weird people in Hackney. I love this site, having lived there, it’s just so, so, right.

And then there’s the one from Wiltshire which is the nearest of all to this.

And that’s about it. I think. So, if you run or know of anything that’s strictly parochial, wherever that parish may be, let me know so I can add it to the list.

Running at a stupid number of hits per day now. Very odd, how are you all getting here (well, yes I know what you’re searching for, but why is this site appearing on those searches now?)

News comes through that English Heritage will be launching a new campaign called Save our Streets in the next few weeks.

It’s aimed at controlling the “welter of signs, posts, poles, bollards and barriers…blighting towns and villages.”

This gives me a real chance for a ‘hear hear’ (said in pompus voice with much shaking of jowls).

Even in the years I’ve been living in Ilkley, the proliferation of bits of metal placed at ever tinier distances apart along the streets of town has been very noticeable. Not just the new lampposts, but the ludicrous doubling up of signs on the Hangingstones, with one telling you a section has ended, another that a new section has started.

This is all under Cllr. Hawkesworth’s authority of course; the lady who likes lecturing us about maintaing the Victorian splendour of our town.

Here’s a game for you. From the station to the Cow n’Calf, count the number of pieces of street furniture in place. You’ll be unpleasantly surprised at the result.

And if anyone wants to take action…I’m sure some of the cleverer chemistry puipls at IGS could get their hands on the Anarchist’s Cookbook.

I think ‘uhhr’ is becoming the most commonly used word on this site.

I did like Frazer’s note on the name of Ilkley’s newst bar. One can imagine the scene…

“Emergency. Which service?”

“Fire…and quick”

“Fire service…where are you?”

“We’re at The Grove on The Grove in Ilkley”

“You’re on The Grove? Whereabouts”

“At The Grove…”

“Yes sir, I got that, but where on The Grove?”

“The Grove…”

“Look, I need to know where you are.”

“But I’m telling you, The Grove”

“Sir, you’re really not helping yourself.”

[end conversation]

A little birdy tells me £400,000 has been spent on the refit, and there will be somewhere like seven chefs employed.

Now I’m studying finance, but working out the break-even on that one (or the level of necessary prices) is beyond my measly powers of concentration.

Odd to see that Chignon is now offering body piercing. As one of those who was lucky enough to get a piercing done by the UK’s first and greatest piercer, Mr. Sebastian (the man who co-invented the Prince Albert myth), I’m not sure I entirely approve. Hey, in those days we did it with no anaesthetic, proper sewing needles and a lot of deep breathing.

As Patrick of the London Piercing Clinic recently pointed out anyone can now be a piercer if they’ve done a short course hosted by metamorphosis or someone. It doesn’t mean there’s any spiritual connection with the ideals of the movement.

But the idea of wandering into Betty’s and seeing the blue rinses tucking their curls behind their industrials, or seeing Councillor ‘Mad’ Mann boasting a tongue web ring (it would probably make him speak more sense) is definitely attractive. I do feel no pasaran would suit a septum piercing. And preferably a big one.

Wonder if Duttons will be selling buttons to fill these holes?

(and for those of you who’ve met me, yes, most of my metal is well covered up thank you very much)

Glad to see that the bridges over Heber’s Ghyll are getting a refurb. It’s just up the road from me, and one of the area’s most beautiful places.

Oh go on then, a bit of cynicism…

it’s about bloody time.

Well, the police have confirmed they are ‘investigating’. Interesting. I presume I’ll get told they have investigated and there’s nothing they can do in a few weeks, but at least it wasn’t a straight denial.

So the contract for the Wharfedale line has gone to Serco and Ned Railways. The latter is the Netherlands Railways.

So, while we’re not allowed to have a nationalised rail industry, the nationalised rail industries of other countries can run ours.

Hopefully Japan will bid next time around, and we’ll get a bullet train to Otley.

within ten days I’ve dropped from first to fourth page on google. *grump, sulk*

of the creativity of the people taking over ‘Greco’s. What have they decided to call their new ‘champagne and vodka’ bar? Well it’s on The Grove so, yes, ‘The Grove’ is it’s highly original name.

Bet they had to pay the branding agents lots for coming up with that.

But please open soon, there was a ‘Greco’s’ denizen in The Yard on Saturday night who made us physically recoil she was so unpleasant looking–they’re easy to spot, the crap Chanel sunglasses inside, the leathery vulture-like skin, the prada handbag displayed on the bar.

GO AWAY!

It’s understandable that people want to commemorate someone that’s died. Especially in a road accident, as happened recently on Queens Road.

What’s strange, at least to me, though, is the amount of flowers that the site has sprouted. Not that I doubt this particular woman was well loved. But when did this fashion for marking the spot of death in such a fashion begin? Diana? Bulger? It seems very mediterranean, very un-English.

And what happens afterwards–who collects the flowers, or are they left to rot?

But if one has to go, being philosophical for a moment, it seems very Ilkley to die next to our oldest ‘monument’.

Another pearl from t’Gazette this week…

“Officals rocked as moor is daubed with graffiti…

“Mindless vandals have scrawled graffiti over one of Yorkshire’s best loved beauty spots…ancient rocks have been defaced by louts.”

Yes, damn those evil Victorians and their chisels.

But what took the councilors so long to notice?

Just goes to show…old graffiti is art, new graffiti is loutish behaviour. Wonder if all those cave painters were strung up by their wossits?

Dear Sir,

Your recent article ‘Barrier plan to prevent ‘invasion’ by gypsies’ and its accompanying editorial managed to combine the worst sort of smear and innuendo with plainly racist epithets.

It is clear from the body of the article that there is no evidence to substantiate any of your claims. Instead of producing evidence through interviews, you rely on the bland statement that “the gypsies are…accused of leaving mounds of rubbish and threatening people.” The latter is a serious allegation, yet you produce no one to back it up (if such threats were made, it would be a matter for the police), and certainly no one from the Roma community is allowed to defend themselves.

There has been no other article this year suggesting that this community has caused any damage. Looking through last year’s papers, there was again only one article on them, and it provided no further evidence. Indeed, when a group of travellers later in the year caused trouble with their dogs, councillors were at pains to differentiate them from ‘our regular gypsies’.

There are problems in Ilkley. Problems with some disorder on the main streets on weekend nights, problems with youth gangs at the station, problems with dumping of rubbish by our regular visitors at holiday weekends (compared to which the bagged up rubbish left by the Roma is small fry). Yet none of these are attributable to this community. Unless, of course, you have evidence.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of this Roma commuity camping in this area (which they have been doing for far longer than many of those complaining have lived in Ilkley), the solution is surely not a campaign of vituperation and hatred against them (never mind the three-foot high reinforced construction that is being suggest, and which will be a year-long eyesore).

The Roma are protected as a community by the Race Relations Act. The use, in your article, of terms such as ‘gypsy nightmare’ is a clear breach of the Press Complaints Commission Code of Practice (Clause 12:1) as well as the NUJ Code of Conduct. I would also suggest that it represents a clear ‘incitement to racial hatred’ under the Public Order Act 1986. Just replace the word ‘gypsies’ with the word ‘asians’ and you have a BNP leaflet.

I would assume an apology is in order.

(copyright for that article remains with the Ilkley Gazette, lord love them…unauthorized reproduction (like this) is plainly prohibited). Better to go to the link and read it though!

The latest issue of pravda is shocking even to someone like myself who is happy to endorse tabloid journalism.

It makes me feel like that episode of Yes Minister where they all sat round going

‘I’m appalled…what do you think Humphrey?’

‘It’s appalling minister..’

‘It is, I’m, I’m appalled…Bernard, anything to help…’

‘Not really minister, I’m appalled.’

More later, but letter to PCC and CRE will be following…