Okay, so we only won becuase the entire council taxes of Bradofrd were poured into the effort, but, hey, we deserved it and the poor don’t need any help anyway. Ilkley, best town in Britain in Bloom 2004. Next year it’s on to Europe…
So we have our shiny new pavement on The Grove, our new lampposts lighting up the streets at all times of day or night, the smaller trees, and of course, no bins (thanks to Ilkley-more for spotting that one). But no one has worked out what it’s all about…
Except me. When we have the new security force, the passport control, Machine Gun and his cronies are going to need to be able to maintain order. And what better way than following the lessons of Haussmann in Paris–wide boulevards, nowhere to hide, expansive sweeps so the military can use their weapons against the populace. That’s why there’s no bins, smaller trees, there’s nowhere to hide from the cameras, from the hit squads. And the blood will be easier to wash off those new stones than our ancient Yorkshire stone (taking them up they made sure there was no beach there).
Ilkley Parish Council are coming for you!
Well, might not be a thief, but…when we first came to Ilkley, we went for a walk and saw this gorgeous sign on a bench outside the Manor House. Walking through yesterday, it had gone, though the bench remains. Anyone seen it? Maybe the PC could spend some of their huge resources re-doing the bally thing.
Very sad if someone’s made off with it…
So, the Parish Council have something like 100K in the bank. They don’t know what to spend it on, and are rattling around desperately trying to find some reason for raising all this money from the impoverished tax payers of this parish (latest is to spend on more benches for us to sit on–soon we’ll have one bench per citizen, and there’ll be no room for us to put memorial ones up which will be a shame).
Now, there’s three lads (you know the ones, weasel faced rat-boys in baseball caps with the peaks turned back) causing most of the trouble in town who the Police seem to be leaving completely alone (no ASBOs here thank you very much). And it’s only just ocurred what’s going on. THe lads are obviously actors brought in from Guiseley Theatre to play the part of ‘trouble-makers’, their clothes are too clean for a start. They’ve been employed by Machine Gun, our Otley-based Head of Security, to ruffle the feathers of local shopkeepers. Then the demands start for more police protection, only the police can’t provide, but, oh look, here’s some spare cash, and couldn’t we use that to hire some private security, and, oh, who’s going to be in charge? Well, that will be machine gun again.
And so they get their own enforcement team to keep us in line. Ilkley is the first experiment in the new Police State. It’s pure Walsingham agents provocateurs.
Having written this, I’ve realised I’ve probably done this schtick afore. Don’t mean it’s not true though!
Nah, ya’ll have to wait for the next post for more on plans for scum..
Just got my tickets to the Ilkley Literature Festival through. Ian Rankin, Jake Arnott and Tony Thompson. For a tiny place, we do have some very nice events.
If only we could get a proper music festival together…
You will possibly notice the addition of a button over ——> there linking to the no ID campaign. While I realise this is sort of nothing to do with Ilkley alone, it being to do with all of us, and this being my site, I’m adding it anyway and breaking my own resolution..
And if anyone replies with ‘but if you’re not a criminal you’ve got nothing to be scared of…‘ I shall immediately block their IP address for holding such facile, pathetic and infantile views.
No, if I’m not a criminal, I shouldn’t be treated like one.
More politics at some time in the future
SOrry if I’ve already used that pun…It looks like the Box Tree is now back open, website here . We’ll be trogging along sometime very soon, and will report back.
Got to be better than Steps anyway…(ducks and covers from the brickbats coming from the directon of Martinez)
